Yesterday Was Fuckin’ Stupid and Today Will Be Better (probably not) ((but probably will be))

2019 MLB Record: 31-20-1 +8.41u


5/13 Recap: 1-3-0 -2.53u

-Diamondbacks ML -172 1u: CASHED

  • Nice
  • That’s all I’ve got to say ’bout that

-Twins ML -153 1u: Not Cashed

  • Whatever

-Brewers ML +137 1u: Not Cashed

  • At some point in this game it was tied 4-4 w/ 2-out and bases loaded for the Brewers and some lefty shot one into right field and Bryce made this wicked diving catch
  • I stopped watching after that

-A’s ML +104 1u: Not Cashed

  • I accidentally woke up at 4am and (obviously) proceeded to check if the late night game cashed (as any degenerate would) and seeing that they blew a 5-4 lead in the bottom of the 10th made me want to tear my eyeballs out of my sockets
  • In reality I wacked off to clear my head and ptfo’d again

5/14:

-Diamondbacks -1.5 +115 1u (930pm)

-Red Sox -1.5 -135 1u (7pm)

-Cubs/Reds u9.5 -125 1u (630pm)


Diamondbacks -1.5 +120 1u v. Pirates:

Not the biggest fan of betting teams on b2b nights BUT after the absolute blowout that was the game last night, fuck it. They’re my rules I can break them if I wanna.

The only thing that really scares me about this is the fact that the Pirates hit better against righties & that the Dbacks hit worse against righties. However, ARI’s team OPS v right-handers is still like fitty points higher than PIT’s. Additionally, Dbacks rank 7th in the majors during this month w/r/t that stat, while the Pirates rank 15th. Pirates bats are much worse on the road than Dbacks bats are at home (albeit that is to be expected I suppose).

I’m really getting off on these pitching matchups tho. Here, I will compare ARI’s Luke Weaver’s L5 starts to PIT’s Joe Musgrove’s L5 starts.

  • Weaver: 29.2 IP, 1.82 ERA, .96 WHIP, 35 SOs, 6 BBs, Weaver is 3-0 in decisions and the Diamondbacks are 4-1 in those games.
  • Musgrove: 25.1 IP, 6.75 ERA, 1.6 WHIP, 20 SOs, 11 BBs, Musgrove is 0-3 in decisions and the Pirates are 1-4 in those games.

Ooooooo momma let’s get daddy this bread.

Red Sox -1.5 -135 1u v. Rockies:

I’d go through all the stats about how Franks Red Hot Sauce Blazin’ Hot (Hammering Lines official sponsor swear to god) the Red Sox have been, but there’s this handy-dandy video to tell you instead!

In addition to the Red Sox’s recent absolute fire, Chris Sale is back! After giving up 4 earned over 5 IP in a losing effort against the Evil Empire that is the New York Yankees, Sale…

  • Has started 4 games
  • Has a 1.73 ERA in those games
  • Has a .8 WHIP in those games
  • Has an absolutely ridiculous 42 SOs in those games, making for a 7-flat K/BB ratio (holy fuck)
  • Is holding hitters to a .165/.248/.566 line

Sale is the second coming of Christ.

Plus, Kyle Freeland has been slumping lately. The guy’s given up 16 earned over his last 17 IP, meanwhile allowing hitters to slash .271/.342/.942 against him and somehow striking out less (6) than he’s walked (7). Good luck managing a comeback against the defending champs.

Cubs @ Reds u9.5 -125 1u:

Uhhhh to be completely honest this is me going with my gut more than anything. The Cubs haven’t been scoring much lately (total going under 7 in last 6 games) and the Reds offense has been near-anorexic for the majority of this early season.

Plus, the two SP’s have posted some good performances recently. Hendricks has given up 0 earned in 3 of his last 4 starts; Roark has given up 1 earned in 4 of his last 6 starts. To me, feels like a slightly underrated pitching matchup to give this a total closing in on 10.

However, A) Cinci’s got a team OPS over .800 at home, B) Hendricks doesn’t pitch well on the road, C) Roark seems to pitch worse at home.

Nonetheless, I am going to trust the ol’ gut here. Which is insane because I very obviously have no reason to trust myself in any situation.


I am going to bet the OVER in the Blazers/Warriors game tonight. Because I am a fun guy who likes to have fun and bet overs. If you bet the under you are a loser. BOL Tail or Fade don’t care.